New Years of 2016- I did not get a kiss at midnight, nor wake up the next day knowing that this year would be my year. I had no expectations. I had had one of the roughest 2015s and didn't want to count my eggs before they hatched so to speak. I walked into this year with people that I thought were my friends. Screaming "Happy New Year" to strangers in Downtown Orlando. I danced in the street to music from a club that wanted 25.00 per person to get into, which I refused to pay. I left these people and went home to my mother's couch. Yes, I walked into this year living on a couch, dazed and confused.. pacing back and forth mentally wondering where this year was going to take me. 
I filed for divorce in January. Mentally and emotionally tired and not truly ready for that step, I walked off my job and just did it. It was for the best for both of us. We strongly disliked each other at the time and anything else would have been unhealthy, toxic and one of us would have woken up dead. I thought I had it all mapped out considering this year was the year of 9. A year of old endings and fresh beginnings. It was something I told myself everyday to make it easier to just let go. And it worked. I let go, we both did. 
I moved on. I covered an old tattoo of my ex's name. I traveled a bit. Made new friends. Dropped a few. Learned more about myself. Found meditation, crystals and gem stones and a deep love of meditation. I learned that I can be as creative as I want. I paint pictures, made headboards, started this blog, planned a few events and watched as I grew into the Kween I called myself everyday. This year was a year of saying goodbye to old friendships, loves, family members and old ways of thinking. I got happy in finding me and discarding anything that did not make me happy. This was my HAPPIEST MOMENT OF 2016! Finding myself and don't worry, I'm still learning myself EVERYDAY! I love me.
At my LOWEST point in 2016, I attempted to commit suicide. I honestly lost it. I was tired of drama, games, fake friends and people that told you they loved you only when it was convenient. I had a really bad day and I thought that taking myself out would be the only way to stop the pain, the thoughts and the emotions buried deep inside of me. I did not want attention or anyone to fell bad for me. Selfishly, it was about me and the thoughts that I couldn't stop. Spending 3 days in the mental hospital, made me miss the fireworks on the fourth of July. Three meals a day, visitation from 630-745 and the thought of actually going crazy replaying your issues and noticing that you need to fix your damn self. I also learned that mental institutions do not really help others. There is no doctor asking about deep rooted issues or caring about why you're going through things.. He is literally there to give you meds and on the third day let you go home (if you tell them you've learned from your mistakes.) When I got out of the hospital; I lost my job, my place to live and just about every piece of respect I had gained for myself. It was hard. I couldn't understand how I managed to get that low and after a month of taking anti depressants off and on, I flushed them down the toilet. I had to change the people and situations I had allowed myself to be around.. There was nothing mentally wrong with me.
I cried a lot this year and at times didn't know if I would make it or not. But I'm still here. I laugh at all of the things I've experienced this year. It's almost comical. But I am better because of it. I am walking out of 2016 knowing what I want to do with life (event planning), with a new job and better clarity on the family and friends that I want to take into 2017 with me.
Thank you but goodbye 2016.
