The Necessary Occurrence

July 31, 2019

For the month of August, I've taken a step back from everything. Friends. Family. Social Media. My need to love and be compassionate with EVERYTHING and EVERYONE.  I don't know why it takes pain to open up my mind and my fingers to write again.  Since writing my book, I've been on a mental shut down.  I've been doing everything except the right thing.

Trust has been a huge theme as of late.  With my promise to myself, I promised to be more honest, open and dare I fucking say it... VULNERABLE. I have managed to step into this and be these things for myself and others.  I've managed to step into it, no matter the discomfort level and open myself up the possibility of being hurt, but trusting that it wouldn't happen. So far, it hasn't worked in my favor. Although painful it is very necessary to still try to trust love others, knowing that they will fucking disappoint you. Only the true few, will take the same oath and stand in the paint.. no matter how much it hurts.  Those are the relationships to keep, cherish and water.

I need a break. A true, mental break.

Dear God,
If you're listening.. send help.



UPDATE: August 16, 2019 

Silence.

Complete and utter silence was sent my way like a whirlwind.  The dire need for silence -- space.  Granted once I asked for help.  Most people think their thoughts and words aren't being heard but there is a higher being vibrating words and actions.  Suddenly, my cell stops ringing as much.  My job, slows and they offer time off.  Friends and family take the time to handle it all on their own. Life, slows and begins to make sense. I have taken a small hiatus from social media to hone in on the things that I need and want out of life. I get a little closer, everyday. I will continue this journey and update as I go.  My spirit is happy.

Ase' - Namaste' - Peace

Be You - 31 Day Writing Challenge - Day 1

Be Still. Know. Love. 

How many of you KNOW you? The real Y.O.U.  Not the person you became due to family thoughts, ideas, and opinions of who you should be. Not the person you've always wanted to be, but who you are in this present moment.

What's your favorite color? Do you like drums or flats? Who is the greatest artist of all time, to you? Are you selfish? Emotionally unavailable? Do you speak your mind and unapologetically tell the world to kiss your ass with two middle fingers in the air? Are you lighting candles and bringing the peace within yourself that no one could ever take?

This may all seem insignificant, but the thrill is... If you don't know who you are and why you are, anyone can fill in the blanks for you!

From my personal experience, I always assumed that being me was being the person that everyone told me to be.  I just wanted to please people, no matter the cost.  If it cost my sanity, I would go to a therapist to get it back, only to lose my mind the very next week trying to please everyone AGAIN!  Being me, meant knowing and understanding my triggers and fighting through them knowing that this wasn't ME.  This anxiety driven behavior was due to my wanting to appease everyone except MYSELF. The most valuable asset.

Being me, meant taking my time.  Knowing my likes and dislikes and being unapologetic in them.  It's hearing the small voice that tells you to move to the beat of the music or NOT and following it. Being me means loving myself so much that I wouldn't need to downplay or talk down to anyone to feel better about me.  Being me meant learning when to and when to not give a fuck and keep it pushing.  Being me meant an African American woman can listen to pop music without caring who is shaking their heard or judging because at that moment, it felt great and no one was hurt in the making of MY FOOLISHNESS. 

I've spoken with so many people who will tell me that they are unsure of who they are and they jump into relationships with people with Alpha personalities who then force them to be someone in the opposite direction of where they need to be.  Twenty years later, they break up and the other party barely remembers what they like to do for fun. 

ADVICE: Never forget yourself, relationship or not. You is kind. You is smart. You is important.

Everyone claims to know who they are.  They enjoy "just being."
According to JustBeingCenter.com here is the formal definition of just being.
Just Being is an initiative that encourages 'beingness' or Presence using mindfulness as the base. From this place of 'beingness', we inquire into what it means to be fully alive, fully human and allow for action, individual and collective, to emerge.

I challenge you to just be you this week.  If you're emotional, angry, happy, joyful, deep. Be THAT and learn how to work with you! Meditate.  Sit in the grass or put your feet in the soil. Dismiss all thoughts of not being good enough or "what you need to be" and just BE IT! Whatever the hell IT is! Be that and be true to your authentic self.  The universe knows when you're lying and will bring you back home every time.  Become grounded and JUST BE.  I am already so proud of you.