..Growth..

Change is inevitable, Growth is optional.

Intentions of 2017

Today, I took the time to write my Intentions for 2017.  I wrote them down to remind myself that no matter what happens, no matter what comes, these goals are the core of my 2017.  I encourage everyone to write down their goals/intentions and do your due diligence to ensure that most, if not all of them are completed.  As mine as completed, I will update this blog with pictures and descriptions of the things I accomplish!

• Go on a cruise 
• Get a gun
• Get a passport
• Take a road trip. 

        I have completed this goal on two separate occasions.  In August of 2017, I took a              road trip to Atlanta, GA to see the eclipse.  During this time, I went hiking and received          my new puppy Avie. I took another road trip on October 7, 2017 when I drove to Destin,        Fl for  to coordinate a wedding. This was life! 

• Have a beach weekend. 

        March 3-5, 2017
         --I did it! A weekend of beaches.  Between Clearwater and Anna Maria Island. I spent             a beautiful weekend at the beach(es)! 

Clearwater Beach, Florida

Anna Maria Island, Florida

Clearwater Beach, Florida

• Go on a girl's trip
• Save 3000.00 
• iAmRoyaltee Event
• Vlog/YouTube Channel
• Buy a sequin dress
• Go to counseling

       -- I started counseling on March 6, 2017.  It has turned out to be one of the most liberating                    experiences of my life.  I am on the road to finding out why the cycles of my life repeat                        themselves.  I am also finding out who I really want to be with a raw sense of who I am with no          smoke and clouds. 

• Get a 2nd job

       -- I would definitely NOT call it a job. It's something that I've always wanted to do. ALWAYS               wanted to do, but it has to be announced at a later date. Soooo... TBC. 

• Read 25 books
• Go to 3 countries
• Try 5 New Restaurants

        -- As of April 11, 2017, I have tried TWO new restaurants.  Spice- An amazing Sushi spot in              downtown Orlando on Lake Eola. It was amazing!!! The second restaturant was Cooper's Hawk,        beautiful restaurant on International Drive in Orlando.  After about 12 glasses of wine (It was              wine tasting night), we hit the bar for the best Calimari and Lobster Bisque.  The company was            great and the food was so good! 

• Ride a plane/train
• Tour Washington D.C. 
• Host a private party
• Go to Event Planning School
• Learn Spanish
• Move into my own apartment (Have somewhere to call home)

      --As of April of 2017, after two years of not having a stable place to call home, I HAVE A                    HOME! This was one of the hardest journeys in life but I thought of it was an adventure.  I am so       grateful to finally be stable and have somewhere to go to that I can't be kicked out of.  My car and       I have had a lot of fond memories, but I am going to be very happy to get into my own bed. 

• Fix my credit 
• Love (unconditional, complete, honest, respectful, understanding, safe, kind, passionate, providing, spontaneous, consistent, awake, fun spirited, romantic, accountable, communicating, faithful, open, best friend... love) 
• Drink more water
• Clean/Fix my car or trade it
• Meet a celebrity
• Go to a concert
• Go to a bonfire
• Host/Co Sponsor a back to school/homeless event 
• Visit 5 states
• Obtain 500 likes on iAmRoyaltee page
• Have a Vision Board party
• Complete my dream of interviews
• Obtain a nice camera to record/take pictures with
• Get a black lace dress custom made by Legacy Clothing
• Attend a fashion show
• Attend a public speaking class
• Take a writing class
• Go to Siesta Key
• Go Jet Skiing
• Go Parasailing
• Go horse back riding
• Eat breakfast with a homeless person
• Do a spoken word night
• Get a penpal from another county
• Find 10 new reasons to love myself. 

     -- My resilence - I have been through so much.  And I impress myself everytime! 

• Speak up boldly for myself/be more vocal
• Obtain 5 watches to start my watch collection
• Buy stocks and bonds
• Obtain a credit card and KEEP IT

       --I got my Credit Card!! I have officially obtained my new credit card from Citi Bank.  It's not              much, but I am definitely on my way to credit repair. 

• Resolve a family issue
• Take my dad to Universal Studios
• Have a successful blog
• FOCUS! 
• Get my website complete
• Do a photo shoot for iAmRoyaltee
• Network with 500 business owners

What are some of your goals and intentions of 2017? Let's encourage each other to complete them all! One by one, knocking them all off of the list! 

Communicate

Life is about understanding things and people from perspectives other than your own. 

Its about communicating to the best of your ability to be understood and relate-able.  We are all just hoping that when we speak, the person on the other side of the spectrum is listening to understand our point of view.  We often find that communication is hard, depending on the situation, time, place, the person and the depth of the issue.  It is during the times you are unable to verbally say what you need to say that other forms of communication are important to get your point across.  It's important to always be available to a loved one to talk.  You may just be the difference in the day that they needed.

Growing up, it was hard to get anyone to listen.  They always assumed I was the child who would ask more questions than necessary or that everything I had to say was unimportant. I asked things like "if the sun is so far away, why is the earth so hot?" Being told to be quiet, stop asking so many questions or that my thoughts should be explained to a therapist is almost comical to remember as an adult.  It was hard as a child to be heard. I never understood why it was so hard to get someone, anyone to simply listen.  There were so many things in my life that no one knew about because no one took the time to simply listen.

I remember "coming out" to my mom and getting punched in the face because she didn't understand why.  She shut me out of her life and went completely silent on me.  For 4 weeks, she said nothing.  She gave me a fork, spoon, plate, cup and bowl and told me that I couldn't eat out of anything else.  She could barely look at me.  It was if I were invisible. I understood then, that communication was important to me.  Even if she would yell and scream, I would be okay.  The silence hurt worse than being hit or beat.

As a adult, being ignored or unheard gives me anxiety.  I immediately assume that something I did was wrong and I have to figure it out what it is.  It's almost physically painful.  So, because I know of how being ignored, misunderstood or unheard bothers me... I try my best to give the world what I've never been given.  I have a true and honest hope that one day, besides being able to vent to a blog; that I may find someone that listens without judgement or fault.  That I would find a "safe place" in someone that I know without a shadow of a doubt that I can trust and go to them "no matter what." And I also pray to be able to give someone or the world the same exact thing.

Five things important in communication are: 

• Listening - literally putting down the phone or turning off the tv and giving your full undivided attention to someone.  Allowing them to feel, see and know that you are listening to them without distraction. Listening to understand, not always to reply. 
• Be honest- always be truthful, even if it hurts.  A person will respect your honesty more than anything else. 
• Be open-minded/respectable- everyone comes from different backgrounds and situations.  No two people have the same history or understanding.  Be open minded to the way another person communicates, it may teach you things about yourself or the person communicating with you that you never knew.
• Be careful of non-verbal communication- when you roll your eyes, check your phone, huff and puff, fidget or seem bored with the conversation; it gives the impression that what you're listening to isn't important to you.  It honestly makes someone shut down, and it makes them feel unheard, like they are bothering you. That's the most uncomfortable feeling in the world. 
• Be positive- no matter how the conversation goes, try to keep a positive outlook.  Not everything being said is a shot at you.  It may not even apply to you. Don't it personal.  Even if it is about you, hopefully you know a person well enough to know their intent.  Always try to remain positive minded, no matter where it goes.  Show love, whether you liked the conversation or not. 

In the end, some people understand love by a simple conversation. Communication, verbal and non verbal are important to me.  Almost as important as food or air.  Its the way that I live and love. It's my Love Language.  I hope this helps someone who isn't much of a communicator understand someone who is.  I understand that there may be times where it may be hard to talk... but understanding is a fundamental right... always be willing to give and receive it. 

Thank you for reading. 

Light and Love. 

My Best Me

Have you met/been your best you? If you have, are you still that person? If not, why not?

I can not say that I've been my best me.  I do not remember a time where I was other than the beginning of 2016. When being my best me, I walk into a room and practically light the room.  I am the person that friends and family call when they need help.  I am the one that seemingly speaks from a place of love, peace, patience and kindness.  I love who I am when I am my best me. I naturally shine as bright as I choose. Head held high, smile bigger than the sun and personality bigger and brighter than life.  I feel almost as if Maya Angelou is reciting "Phenomenal Woman" as I walk. (Mental thougths) Did I mention that I love my best me?  I think she is truly an amazing person and I miss her.

Someone told me once that me being my best me; outshines them.  Every time I would come around, they would feel that no one pays any attention to them.  Me, thinking that maybe I was an attention whore, dimmed my natural light to accommodate the feelings others.  I never knew that in dimming myself; the loving, kind, magnetic person others loved to be around would dim more than just physically.  I appeared soft spoken, timid, introverted, scared of interacting and getting to know those around me. I became someone, deep down, that I hated.  She never allowed others in and found it hard to make friends.  She was intimidated by girls that seemed to have it together.  Not knowing that her light and strength was deeper than her outside physical.  I walked into 2017 as this woman.

I do not want to be her. I have never wanted to be her. But for the sake of others and the sake of "submission," I fucked up and tilted my crown for the next person thinking it would someone allow them to see me better.  They won't! If anything, I would be rightfully blamed for dimming my light.  When my self-esteems drops for trying to "dim down", I lose who I am as a person.

The truth is, even with their flashy clothes, perfectly made face and manicured nails and toes, they may want what I have.  A natural way to attract others, a more authentic way.  Their attention may purely be based on looks but when all of that fades away... is there anything of substance left?  Can they hold a conversation the way that I do?  Are they able to relate from a place of familiarity or is it just all a play on words, bashed eyes and close contact?  Everyone offers different things into this world and my light, your light... is just one of those things that we bring to the table! 

Think of it like this: You sell out an entire venue for your concert but you're performing from the bathroom.  It allows others to get a piece of who you are but not the whole show that they know, respect and love. 

So what do we do? Just be you! Say "fuck the critics"and SHINE! And anyone that loves you will appreciate your light.  Anyone else, hopefully we shine so bright that they cant stand it and leave!

Light and Love! (A lot of it)

#2017