Its about communicating to the best of your ability to be understood and relate-able. We are all just hoping that when we speak, the person on the other side of the spectrum is listening to understand our point of view. We often find that communication is hard, depending on the situation, time, place, the person and the depth of the issue. It is during the times you are unable to verbally say what you need to say that other forms of communication are important to get your point across. It's important to always be available to a loved one to talk. You may just be the difference in the day that they needed.
Growing up, it was hard to get anyone to listen. They always assumed I was the child who would ask more questions than necessary or that everything I had to say was unimportant. I asked things like "if the sun is so far away, why is the earth so hot?" Being told to be quiet, stop asking so many questions or that my thoughts should be explained to a therapist is almost comical to remember as an adult. It was hard as a child to be heard. I never understood why it was so hard to get someone, anyone to simply listen. There were so many things in my life that no one knew about because no one took the time to simply listen.
I remember "coming out" to my mom and getting punched in the face because she didn't understand why. She shut me out of her life and went completely silent on me. For 4 weeks, she said nothing. She gave me a fork, spoon, plate, cup and bowl and told me that I couldn't eat out of anything else. She could barely look at me. It was if I were invisible. I understood then, that communication was important to me. Even if she would yell and scream, I would be okay. The silence hurt worse than being hit or beat.
As a adult, being ignored or unheard gives me anxiety. I immediately assume that something I did was wrong and I have to figure it out what it is. It's almost physically painful. So, because I know of how being ignored, misunderstood or unheard bothers me... I try my best to give the world what I've never been given. I have a true and honest hope that one day, besides being able to vent to a blog; that I may find someone that listens without judgement or fault. That I would find a "safe place" in someone that I know without a shadow of a doubt that I can trust and go to them "no matter what." And I also pray to be able to give someone or the world the same exact thing.
Five things important in communication are:
- Listening - literally putting down the phone or turning off the tv and giving your full undivided attention to someone. Allowing them to feel, see and know that you are listening to them without distraction. Listening to understand, not always to reply.
- Be honest- always be truthful, even if it hurts. A person will respect your honesty more than anything else.
- Be open-minded/respectable- everyone comes from different backgrounds and situations. No two people have the same history or understanding. Be open minded to the way another person communicates, it may teach you things about yourself or the person communicating with you that you never knew.
- Be careful of non-verbal communication- when you roll your eyes, check your phone, huff and puff, fidget or seem bored with the conversation; it gives the impression that what you're listening to isn't important to you. It honestly makes someone shut down, and it makes them feel unheard, like they are bothering you. That's the most uncomfortable feeling in the world.
- Be positive- no matter how the conversation goes, try to keep a positive outlook. Not everything being said is a shot at you. It may not even apply to you. Don't it personal. Even if it is about you, hopefully you know a person well enough to know their intent. Always try to remain positive minded, no matter where it goes. Show love, whether you liked the conversation or not.
In the end, some people understand love by a simple conversation. Communication, verbal and non verbal are important to me. Almost as important as food or air. Its the way that I live and love. It's my Love Language. I hope this helps someone who isn't much of a communicator understand someone who is. I understand that there may be times where it may be hard to talk... but understanding is a fundamental right... always be willing to give and receive it.
Thank you for reading.
Light and Love.
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