I can not say that I've been my best me. I do not remember a time where I was other than the beginning of 2016. When being my best me, I walk into a room and practically light the room. I am the person that friends and family call when they need help. I am the one that seemingly speaks from a place of love, peace, patience and kindness. I love who I am when I am my best me. I naturally shine as bright as I choose. Head held high, smile bigger than the sun and personality bigger and brighter than life. I feel almost as if Maya Angelou is reciting "Phenomenal Woman" as I walk. (Mental thougths) Did I mention that I love my best me? I think she is truly an amazing person and I miss her.
Someone told me once that me being my best me; outshines them. Every time I would come around, they would feel that no one pays any attention to them. Me, thinking that maybe I was an attention whore, dimmed my natural light to accommodate the feelings others. I never knew that in dimming myself; the loving, kind, magnetic person others loved to be around would dim more than just physically. I appeared soft spoken, timid, introverted, scared of interacting and getting to know those around me. I became someone, deep down, that I hated. She never allowed others in and found it hard to make friends. She was intimidated by girls that seemed to have it together. Not knowing that her light and strength was deeper than her outside physical. I walked into 2017 as this woman.
I do not want to be her. I have never wanted to be her. But for the sake of others and the sake of "submission," I fucked up and tilted my crown for the next person thinking it would someone allow them to see me better. They won't! If anything, I would be rightfully blamed for dimming my light. When my self-esteems drops for trying to "dim down", I lose who I am as a person.
The truth is, even with their flashy clothes, perfectly made face and manicured nails and toes, they may want what I have. A natural way to attract others, a more authentic way. Their attention may purely be based on looks but when all of that fades away... is there anything of substance left? Can they hold a conversation the way that I do? Are they able to relate from a place of familiarity or is it just all a play on words, bashed eyes and close contact? Everyone offers different things into this world and my light, your light... is just one of those things that we bring to the table!
I do not want to be her. I have never wanted to be her. But for the sake of others and the sake of "submission," I fucked up and tilted my crown for the next person thinking it would someone allow them to see me better. They won't! If anything, I would be rightfully blamed for dimming my light. When my self-esteems drops for trying to "dim down", I lose who I am as a person.
The truth is, even with their flashy clothes, perfectly made face and manicured nails and toes, they may want what I have. A natural way to attract others, a more authentic way. Their attention may purely be based on looks but when all of that fades away... is there anything of substance left? Can they hold a conversation the way that I do? Are they able to relate from a place of familiarity or is it just all a play on words, bashed eyes and close contact? Everyone offers different things into this world and my light, your light... is just one of those things that we bring to the table!
Think of it like this: You sell out an entire venue for your concert but you're performing from the bathroom. It allows others to get a piece of who you are but not the whole show that they know, respect and love.
So what do we do? Just be you! Say "fuck the critics"and SHINE! And anyone that loves you will appreciate your light. Anyone else, hopefully we shine so bright that they cant stand it and leave!
Light and Love! (A lot of it)
#2017
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